massive friends cut, please don't take it personal.

Date:	2007-09-26 18:41
Subject:	art website!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

here's a new, minty fresh portfolio website!  design by arcane_um 

enjoy!  pimp me out to anyone who needs to pay me dollars for drawings!

http://buttersnatch.com/ajdibble/Portfolio.html

so i stole this from shawn, because i too want cryptic pretties from everyone.

post something here about yourself or life or anything. i want into your beautiful yummy minds, but do not want you to be exposed to the internets, so post anonymously. it's amazing what wheels get moving when no one knows just who the hell you are.

make it intensely personal. make it intensely anonymous.

go!

i got the job at pearl paint sqweee!

but not act on it a lot of the time.

went clothes shopping today, with arcane_um*, and kept wanting all the pretty-pretties that are typically reserved for women, whatever that means anymore. all the feathers and glitter and high high heels and i felt like less of something. i kept wondering what they would all look like if if didn't have any chest or hips.
and i kinda wondered if bio boys feel this way too under these circumstances.
*(we hugged eachother but it didn't go away, she and i. ze and me.)

(it's taking me a long time to write this: exactly three hours)

i want this/my/our story to be told. we know stories about drag queens, less about drag kings, about faeries and dykes and bisexuals. we don't see very much but we at least see something. i would like to feel proud of who or what i am becoming, by approximatly any means necessary. as it is i feel like a cheapy knockoff.

i want all this to stop being a problem that needs to be rectified. i want to stop feeling like there's a screw loose or that ima broken piece of something.

that's it, for now.

this is open to the public.

why i will never spearhead the Revolution in poetry.

cut for embarrassment:

( Read more... )

Date:	2006-10-25 17:38
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry

call me a lady one more time, bollocks, and i'll smash your pretty white vasolined face out the back of your skull got it?

( Read more... )

i think the boobs are just throwing everyone off today.

Date:	2006-09-22 11:41
Subject:	"I am yours, very sincerely: Montague H. Withnail".
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm mouse

i will not waste time while at work.
i will not waste time while at work.
i will not waste time while at work.



i have a:

new, cute-as-a-button, trannyfag roommate (age approx 31 or so).
this is good because:
a) he is a good role model :)
and b) my rent is now cut in half, which means:
packers and binders galore. plus other assorted items such as food and clothing.

i am happy about that. i'll take privacy cut in half for that kind of compensation.

i saw the best shirt today.


it said:

"call me, ishmael."

sorry about the last posts.

i had a gender freeeek out. still on this earth and intending to stay that way.



::love to all::

i fucking fucking cannot do this anymore.
this has got to fucking stop i am so angry all the time.

my body and myself are two different things. i hate every inch of it most days.


i feel violent and frustrated and am having a difficult time keeping it in.

i want not to be living anymore.

i was on Astor Place a coupla days ago, waiting for the luvly Kat, sitting by the big-black-spinny-cube sculpture.
plugged in to music, drawing, minding my own and having a good time.
guy comes up to me and starts a conversation, while my ears are dead to everyone except Thievery Corporation and i'm having none of the world.
i take the earphones out in a "what the fuck does this cunt want" kind of way.

he: hey, i just moved here from maryland, want a cigarette?

i: i don't smoke.

he: oh, so i guess if you don't smoke then you don't drink beer either.

i: nope, i'm a beer afficionado.

he: oh ... great then. so, you wanna get a beer?

i: actually, i'm waiting for MY GIRLFRIEND.

he: [not getting it] oh she won't mind, come have a beer with me.

i: no.

he: hey, don't get all mad. i'm just trying to connect with people and i saw you sitting there and thought "wow, what a beautiful lady".

i: [elongated pause] actually, i'm not a lady.

he: holy shit! you're a man??!!

i: yeah, i get mistaken a lot.

and he runs away.
comes barrelling back a few short ones later.

he: don't, like, y'know ... if anyone asks, don't tell them i asked you out on a date cause they'll make fun of me.

i: [to myself] not a single godforsaken chance in hell.
[out loud] whatever floats yours.


end scene.

oh man oh man.

(on lunch break)

i am: all-thumbs-and-no-brain today. and (tumtatatummm) bleeding, which makes life all that more fun.

i want to draw and draw and paint and paint. once my new lovely roach intfested room is set up. lamps purchased or stolen, desk bed dresser bookcase obtained, and (possibly) walls painted a smokey red, yellow, or lavendar. green, aqua, minty-fag to match my inner self.
(when i walked in there yesterday night i had the strangest sensation that i was home).


whenever i visit them, and i love my family dearly, i come back not knowing quite who i am or want to be. "oblivia-therapy" is in the awnings; enter a bottle or fourty of anything, stage left of course to show off its best profile.

it's nice not to be thinking of gender for now.

i am soon to live in:

a beautiful, four bedroom apartment in sunset park close to my work with three fabulous tranny queers. great light, affordable, humongous windows, hardwood floors, a cat named snookums.

and ::sigh::

it's roach infested.


and "infested" means infested.


hmm.

spent all night packing.

in the dual sense.

don't call me 'she'.


DON'T CALL ME FUCKING 'SHE'!


if you call me goddamned 'she' or 'girl' or 'lady' or 'gal' once more i swear to god.